My name is Edmond Halley. I was born on November 8th, 1656.
				I will earn lasting fame for predicting the movement of a comet that shall not be seen again in these skies until some nineteen years hence.
				The date is January 9th, 1742. In five days time I shall be dead.
				But this is not my story.
	~ Found Art Theatre Presents ~ Interview With A Madman ~ A Webcomic In One Part ~
Good evening. I'm insane.
Or so they tell me, anyway. I tell them I'm a cowboy; they tell me I'm insane. But there are more of them, so they get to be right. That's justice for you.
								So. You want to know why I did it? Hmm. Lets talk about school, shall we? The formative years.
						When I was six years old, I realised I wanted to kill someone. More than that, I realised that I wanted to kill a lot of someones. I don't remember if I knew the term serial killer back then.
						I know by the time I was eight or so I'd read several books on the subject. But back when I was six years old, when I first realised, I'm not sure that I knew exactly the right term for it.
						But I knew, basically, that that was what I wanted to be. A serial killer. I guess I was abnormally perceptive for a child of that age.
								Of course, serial killing isn't the sort of thing you just rush into. I figured I had to be sure. Try out all my options first.
So when I was nine, I wanted to be a cowboy. I don't know if English people can really be cowboys. I think maybe you have to be American. Or Japanese. For some reason Japanese people can be cowboys too.
When I was ten, I wanted to be an astronaut. I had more fun wanting to be a cowboy, to be honest. But I felt it important not to get stuck in a rut. Astronauts could shoot people with laser guns, which did at least seem a bit more efficient.
When I was eleven, I wanted to be a fireman. Well, for the first six months of being eleven, anyway. In the last six I wanted to be a racing driver, a deep-sea diver, an archaeologist and a sushi chef. Eleven was sort of my wilderness years.
When I was twelve, I started killing people at a rate of two a month for the next three years. It really is amazing what you can get away with when you're a teenager.
							I stopped the killing when I was sixteen. It would be nice to think that I stopped because I'd finally got it all out of my system. That I was ready to move on and live life as a healthy and productive member of society. In actual fact, I stopped because I was worried about getting caught. You see, by then I'd started holding conversations about my murders with statues in public galleries. This, clearly, was not the act of a sane man.
So that was why I stopped. Because by sixteen I knew I was insane. And insane people make mistakes. And mistakes are what get you caught.
					I'll admit, my life hasn't been quite as interesting since I quit. Most of the good stuff only happens in my head these days.
								I've got a new friend in there. He calls himself Negative Kung-Fu Joe.
					Joe's nothing like me. He's a good guy. We have long talks about nothing. The way good friends do.
								No, I don't miss the killing. I mean, sure, it was fun. But you've got to move on, right?
	What do I miss? I miss the texture you get with sanity.
	I miss branches breaking up the world into a million little fragments.
	I miss the colour of clocks.
	I miss oil paintings seen through panel grating.
	I miss the sky.
	I miss the reflections of light on time.
	So I miss the texture. But I don't miss sanity.
					I'd take Negative Kung-Fu Joe over sanity, any day.
					Joe's got an opinion on everything, so we've always got something to talk about. He likes to break things with his feet, too. He's a bit obsessive about it, to tell the truth. But hey, everyone has their little obsessions, right? And it seldom gets in the way of our conversations.
					Pardon? What do you mean, I still haven't answered the question?
Why did I kill all those people? Oh. Because I felt like it. What reason did you expect?
Yes. Well. I did say I was insane, didn't I? Take it away, Ed.
	A Story by Daniel Merlin Goodbrey
				The part of The Madman was performed by Walter Plinge.
				The part of Negative Kung-Fu Joe was performed by Ian Whitt.
				The performance also featured John Cleese as Teacher No. 5 and Edmond Halley as himself.
				This has been a Found Art Theatre production, in association with E-merl.com. The End.